Merry Christmas to all you Devil Worshipers

Merry Christmas to all.

Unfortunately for me I usually feel lonely on Christmas and other holidays as I tend to feel lonely on most days.  It just goes with the territory.  It's not that I have love in my life it just seems to be getting smaller with out feeling getting much better.  I think that it just part of ageing.  You would think that people get better at loving the older they get but that is not what I generally observe.  Most people use love and affection to maintain control over other people.  They will love you as long as you serve them and their needs, any resistance and they will shun you away.  The older someone gets the less reactive they will be once they feel shunned.  Pride is more important that being in the group or pairing or moreover the longer you live the more you understand about human nature that you feel less enthused to participate in the back and forth play.   You tend to just stop.  Problem is that you never seem to get back to where it once was.  But that is most relationships.  There are peaks then they plateau.   In your mind however, you hold on to the peaks.  I think that children have fantasy that feels like reality and older mature people expect reality to be a fantasy.  We never let go or outgrow the fantasy.  What we expect it to be is how we think things are.  Anyone who is honest with themselves should not trust their expectations to be met as often as we would desire them to be.  I do think that we should just let people be who they are and accept them for their views and not expect them to do the same in return as there is nothing more rare than an accepting person. 

I do think of all of my friends that I have had over my lifetime that I could trust and pass on me because of my ways.   Many of them I still talk to, some of them only in my mind.   I do regret those friends that have turned away righteously due to my manor most of all, usually my workaholic tendencies. 

There are no real misunderstandings in friendships.  There are often misalignment of values and misplaying of assumed roles.   This is what amazes adults about children is there willingness to be friends and the importance they can put on it. 

Why has my asshole stopped doing his job.

Well, I guess my asshole is an asshole and won't do his job the right way anymore.  It has been better for the past few weeks since I got off my diet.  It think it would rather have problems than not.  Unlike most assholes it used to work fine without any notice or need for gratification.  It is not a millennial asshole as it does not require me to thank it before it does anything.  I have lost my trust that I used to have and now I have trust issues with myself.   My wife said that she would offer to take me to the adult store to buy a dildo to shove up my ass to squeeze.  This could help build the muscles up she said.   Not sure if I want to take her up on that one but at least she is thinking of me.  I went to a funeral of a friend yesterday who lost his brother in a accident.   Very sad and long service.  It is very sad to think of losing someone.  Most of us had loss and this stage of life and it reminds us of how we all will be remembered.   I question if I will be missed at all.  Who really knows me anyway.  Most people are only thinking of themselves and are not on my plane.  It is important to see all people for who they are and how they approach their lives.  Few people have true technique, to say that they are themselves most of the time.  That is a hard one for me as I do not seek to fit in or think like other people.  I don't root for sporting teams with other people nor listen to music that others enjoy.  I am on my own journey to seek and understand as much as I can.   Because of that I don't fit in with the group at large.  By excelling and doing your best you insure that you will be alone and misunderstood.  Fortunately, I don't require or aspire for what most people call common sense.   I think that most of the time common sense thinking is weak and fearful.  If I find that my thought or approach to problem solving is different than everyone else's that is a good thing.  Maybe the problem that no one can or will solve will be by me and my mind.  I get near zero collaboration on most projects.   Anyway, lets get back to the funeral as it is so much fun to think of death and dying.  This man was very well celebrated for his love and forgiveness.  He was by all accounts yesterday a very good hearted man.  Unfortunately,  his success in life was still not guaranteed.   He had his struggles with depression and substance abuse which must have caused him much difficulty.  Most interesting was that people reported that he treated all people well, not just his family.  He had a caring and loving manor.  That impresses me.  I am also burdened with empathy and kindness for all and it is not the easiest path through life.  It may be Devine but it universally misunderstood as it is not about exchange which most people operate on.  If you behave based on principle you will never be understood by most people unless they understand your principles.  Your principles, if grand, will intimate and/or alienate, those who don't have them.  Honesty, integrity, loyalty and sincerity are generally mistrusted by people as they feel that you will expose them. Most people have a child's brain in an adult's body.  Now that was good when we were teenagers but by the time your tits or balls are sagging it would be better to have this stuff developed a bit.   Old folks are not cute anymore and require a bit more. 

I sought out to do a stream of consciousness, better yet a stream of unconsciousness. 
One thought, we all love spell check because it helps us spell better and in that effort makes us spell worse for our entire lives.  it used to be that if you looked a word up in the dictionary you would be able to spell it forever.  Spell check does not seem to have the same effect.  

When is it the best time to realize that someone reaching their potential is their obligation. 
Do we really need more mentors on how to watch football, or the final four?  I don't mind the actual game but all the BS before it. 
Don't people realize that if you repeat what others say it is not your thoughts.  It is socialized subversive brain washing and people are volunteering themselves to it.   
It is like people who live for the weekend.  It's Friday, hurrah.  I get that you hate your job and just want to stay home and masturbate all day, I do too.  But as discussed earlier people who live based on principle likely do not think that way.  You may live on the principle of avoidance of responsibility and achievement.  I am sure that more people will go to your party than mine.
Do you know that principled people get more insults than the average asshole.

Do people really die peacefully. I think it is bullshit

I had a bad night and woke up to heartburn and must of breathed in some acid.   It sucked some real ass so I masturbated to distract from the pain.  ( That is not true, I did not think of it as remedy at the time but next time it happens I will try it out).   It got me to thinking that waking up and dying would not be much different.  You wake up and say "Oh this is not good" and then suffer until you peacefully pass away.  It is just more general bullshit that people say to help them cope with your problem.  Who the fuck dies peacefully when they are sleeping.   I would say that if you are in a coma then maybe so is you are on sedative morphine or something but I can tell you if it is too cold in the room you will wake up, how about dying?

Like a dumb ass I did not wake my wife up to tell her I almost died.  I did partially wake her up just not enough to get her to remember as she will likely want me to change my diet and exercise and all that shit that I do not want to do.  I figure that if I die but not wake her up she should not be too mad with me.

Death is interesting for all of us to contemplate.  I don't think my little doggies think about it.  Maybe they are not as dumb as they seem.  "It was his time" they would say.  "At least he passed peacefully".  I don't do anything peacefully.  "It was for the best",  "He lived a full life".  What a bunch of shit.  I wish that people would not lie to themselves immediately upon hearing something so significant. Better yet "He's with Jesus", like he would have the time.  

I think people really would say.  "At least he died in the pool" or "At least he didn't eat the carry out from dinner"  One thing I can say about me is "At least he did not owe me any money" or better yet "I guess he won't be needing that money he lent me"   "I think he wanted me to have it, what a generous gift"

WTF is meant by "Pearls of Wisdom"   never made sense to me.  Wisdom is not some repeated bullshit trite saying anyway.  It is problem solving mixed with understanding of the limitations of people and situations.  It definetely is not some bullshit phrase like "Don't cry over spilt milk".  Did you ever notice that a glass of milk is not worth too much but what you are upset with may likely be worth more.  In some areas of the world spilled milk is worth quite a bit and I find it insulting that we make light of it.

I have discovered that for me to hear you they way you sound to my brain I will have to get used to listening to Music and at half speed.  I find that many peoples minds seem to work at the same rate as the mouths.  I sometime get excited and talk fast and try to force my vision on to others.  They think I am frentic but the truth is that their brains are slow.  I should just get used to the pace of sheep fucking to get through it.

BOB

Its been a while since I have Blogged. But who would notice anyway

Hello All,

It has been 37 years since my last confession.   I should go to Church and Pray to God for all the things I want but I still think doing the work is a better way to get what you want.  To bad that even after all your needs are met we are still wanting more and more.  I have a house three cars,  74 guitars, a pool and patio and enough friends that I ignore them.  But yet I still want more.  Thank goodness I can't eat food 24 hours a day as I would.  Humans are purely insatiable creatures.  The worst thing is to let others know what you want as they surely will not give it to you and the ones that would we would not want to bother with.  It must be the conflict that keeps us interested.  I had an interesting few months.  I joined a old school Rock band and we had our first gig.  It was a high school reunion for some old timers that I have no connection to but it was mostly fun  I was worried that I may fuck it up and have to deal with the little Nazi band leader.  He gave me a little bit of shit but I don't think he can help it and at 65 years old I don't think he is going to learn manners.  I learned 55 songs in about 6 weeks.  That was a lot for anyone.  Work has kept me very busy so I did not have much time to study but I guess I studied enough as I made few errors.  The other guys made more errors than me so for that I am happy.  As anyone who knows me knows that I have a big ego and a lot of pride.  I think I am the greatest but putting it down on paper is not as easy as it looks.  I am very pleased with my effort and the band in general.  I do miss the earlier bands that I had as we had so much fun.  Fun was the goal.  Here they want to please the crowd more than anything else.  To play the songs just like the record never interested me but I did smash the shit out of few leads and played them my way.  Music is not supposed to boxed in by walls but the opposite.  You should be breaking your walls down.  Music is definitely a chemistry thing.  We have fair chemistry but not great chemistry.  I still had the best chemistry with my high school buddy Ed.  We had fun and played our young little asses off.  We both sucked then but it was never better than that.  Funny how that is that you can never get back to what you once had.  That bliss is hard to find twice.  At least Ed and I knew it was great and we will always be best of friends for it.

I thought of you right before I ate your food

If there is one problem that I have it is being thoughtful.  I may not do what you wish but I did think about you before YOU think that I screwed you over.  Rarely do I not consider people.  The only person I avoid thinking about is myself.  If I ate your food please know that I thought of you first.  I may have even thanked you.

Work is hard with gloomy outlook toward the future, which is likely just normal forecasting for most jobs.  I am over producing my position but that is to be expected.   I am learning that my job is not very interesting to other people and that I am starting to share their opinion as well.  Oh well  I carry on toward my dream of retiring in a homeless shelter just to save money.

One observation that I have had is why do younger people not find Andrew Dice Clay and the Jerky Boys funny?.  Younger people find such little joy in discovery of what was before them that you would just like to slap them.  To bad I find all their shit that they listen to garbage so we have a hard time communicating.   They are as we were and we despise them for it.  I was converted early in my life to value what was old and still relevant by only watching sit-coms that in re run syndication.  I figured it M.A.S.H. was still on 7 years after it went off the air it was likely a good enough show to watch.  Star Trek passed that test as well.  I also learned to like older music as it was played by actual musician who did not have some sort of GOD complex outside of their own group.   WTF, Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page, are not GODS,  They are good copy cats of what came before them.   There should be a GOD that followed GOD and did not give GOD his true Credit.  I guess for all practical purposes JESUS was ELVIS.  No one really had the impact that JESUS had, other than Mohammed,,or Jim Smith, or Oprah.

Does God think he's God?

It is weird that we think that some great leader or thinker is going to change culture to be anything more than it currently is.  I think that maybe now that information is so readily available that it will have less effect than it use to.   What newspaper headline will be significant moving forward.  Do we even care about headlines.  We are always looking for the next car fire or winter storm named Edith.   We only want to have ourselves re-inforced with the Bullshit that we are OK.  That we have value even though we are in debt.  If you don't like the way I am behaving I can leave.  Go ahead and fire me I hear all the time.  Most of the time you fire yourself asshole.  What is an asshole?   It should be the best thing on Earth.  It has the most important job in the World.   It allows you to eat more which is what we are hear to do anyway.   We are performing a RCA,  Root Cause Analysis at work and I think that I can sum it up in three words.  People are Assholes.     If they weren't this would not have happened.  That is the burden of management.  Considering what other people neglected due to their indifference because they would rather be taking a shit at their house than at work.  That is what most people do at work anyway.  I worked with one guy who only clue that he was on his lunch break was that he was eating.

On a positive note,  Maturity is a dismal process of letting yourself go because you are not attractive anymore.  By putting on blinders and single minded focus to achieve what you want regardless of the people around you.   The thought that you have to surround yourself with positive people is ridiculous, they won't care about you either.  On the upside they will be better at it.

I was for the first time in my life considering to shit in my pants on purpose.  That way when it happens again I can say "I meant to do that."

I don't know what type of person I like better.  Those that hide their thoughts well or the open ones.  I generally disagree with both of them and would rather just not hear it so maybe group 1.

Passion in any pursuit is general bullshit.  No one wants to do anything other than watch TV and eat Bon Bons.  Passion is just anger disguised as purpose for things we really do not want to do.

You can never eat too many clams.

When your friends don't want to talk with you about your suffering be aware.

Free will is bullshit.  Fate always determines what happens to you and at the core of every condition there was a choice.

Faith is the lie that Fate has a beneficial side.

Competency is its own reward.

One thought on Mama's boys.  Parents can truly fuck up a person.  When a child is idolized by the parent(s) that child is doomed to be a douche bag.  That person will have a horrific time convincing anyone else that they are worth a cup of horse semen because they already think that they are fantastic.  They will expect that anything that they do will be hung up on the refrigerator.   It is very disappointing when a 30 year is not at the level that you were when you were 16.   Now I am not a perfect person but a chronic douche bag I am not.  I have always been most grateful to those that I have disappointed due to my lack of maturity as those are milestones that I have not passed more than once.   If you consider other people you are alienating yourself from them as you are now not like other people.   Be in it for yourself.

I do feel like I am a poor host if all I have is Miller Lite at the house.  It is proof that Bob does not drink anymore.  Its like if you were a single girl and all I had to offer you for a date is my brother Timmay.   That reminds me of my nice neighbor who gave me 50 bucks to take two young and attractive nieces (or whatever the relation) out for a night while they were visiting.  What the hell was he thinking other than this is the safest way to spend 50 dollars that he ever spent.  Needless to say..............

It is hard to cope with the world when you are openly gay.

It would be easier to be openly gay than to openly show how I feel about most people most of the time.  Why do we bother having to hide our feelings, our unconscious thoughts.  Most people don't hide theirs so why should I hide mine.  I can read most people most of the time or so I think.  I do prefer straightforward people that can just express their disdain open and honestly.  Unfortunately we all tend to hide our true thoughts and then we do stupid things like make racial slurs or condemn entire generations just to make the point that I am disappointed in you and do not respect you. Maybe it is safer just to be honest and share our disapproval but what good would that do.

My buddy called to tell me that he thinks that I have low T.  What a fuck face.  At least he is thinking of me.    Not the greatest of comments or messages.  Maybe I am focused too much on what is wrong with people that what is right with them.    Half the world has vaginas and that is great to have.  The rest of them have penises and that is good to.

It's the people that make it so hard.

Work is stressful enough without working with people who are continuously uninspiring.  Too bad I had a change in careers and am forced to work with people who just don't have excellence in mind.  They are not all like that but the majority of it is pissfull bliss.

Anyway,  I should not complain about work as much as I even find it unattractive and will not even jerk off today because I stole the mood thinking about work.   I should just let other people fail.  I try so hard to ensure everyone's success but fuck them. It is their job to be successful, not mine.  I guess I could offer encouragement but courage is not what these lazy fucks suffer from.  Courage to sit around and bullshit their way through day after day with no significant impact on other people's lives other than irritation and annoyance.  Kind of sad.  I just want to save enough money so that I can retire and be a douchebag like the rest of the World as I cannot be a douche bag while I work.

My hand is starting to cramp and I likely won't be able to pleasure myself for a few days at least if I keep this up.  I guess I am beginning to understand how my wife feels when she sees me.

Kinda thinking too much about nothing interesting

Getting older sure does have it benefits.  It takes less time to pooh and I look forward to it more.  Walking long distances is not an option.  Running away from my problems involves running and I don't run anymore.  Sleeping around would likely just involve sleeping and my wife could not be too mad at that.  I care more about your feelings than my own but then again I care more about my TV than you or me so what good is caring more for you than me do either of us.  I miss the things that used to get me in trouble.  I miss being in trouble.  I miss caring so little about work when that is all that I seem to care about now.  There is such a fear that motivates us all to be successful but as we get older it seems to be stronger.  It is more a fear of starting over and not the success itself.  Its the mountain it takes.   I miss the lack of wisdom that I used to have when it involved pursuing what was fun to do.  I miss my Father every day of my life.  I miss all of my friends that I likely will never see again unless they die, but they won't really be there.  I am more grateful for the beauty that I find in simple people.  I miss that I don't take nor seek advice anymore but always feel as if I am in a position to give it.  I long for an erection that could hurt someone, other than their feelings.   I miss the confidence that I used to have for the things I could not do yet.  I now can see that all people are not created equally in talent or discipline.  I think that everyone deserves a chance to succeed, just not my chance.  I have noticed that some people have more degrees than they should to try to hide the fact that they are stupid.  What happens in the desert should always stay in the desert. It is not wrong to like men more than woman when you first get to know them.  There is a near zero percent chance that a man is going to give me herpes.  The older I get I realize how little most people care about anything.   I realize that I never had sex with someone that I thought was ugly.  I regret that. 

Blogging is hard work

Seems silly what people think they do for work matters to anyone other than themselves.  Now that I am a cooperate whore willing to do the work of 7 people I am surly part of the problem.  I don't think that I could live with myself any other way.  Being self employed for as long as I was and the type of person owning and operating a business that I had creates a certain type of approach to work that surely does not seem to be shared by the majority of the people that I run into.   Some have the drive and desire to challenge themselves but most don't.  It is funny that the ones who do are so skilled that they really could ride it out in easy fashion but would be bored.  Myself on the other hand am learning the skills needed to be successful in a completely different career.  Hard work and just basis learning your job seems to be a crossover successful strategy.  The ones who are vulnerable still try to stay in the pack as if it is a safer place for them to be.  I guess when you are as intelligent and hard working as I am staying in the pack is not a good strategy.  They will never trust me anyway so why pretend that they should.  I play life as hard as I can and am not playing a game.  If you can hang with what I bring to the show then good for both of us. If not don't blame me because your brain does not work.   Even though I have made my way forward it is still very humbling to start over and not know what other dumb fuckers already know.   I guess it may keep me young at heart to climb a mountain again.  It seems that my work load is about to triple and I am already working over 60 hours per week and now have the burden to train and teach others what only I have been able to do.  It will be hard. 

Sad thing for me lately is that my life is consumed with work and my drive for success.  It seems like that would be a good thing but anything can be over done and like anything I tend to over do.  One sure way to know that you had enough is to have too much.  It makes me wonder what my next career will be.

One good thought that I had worth sharing other than I work hard and am good at what I do but still fuck up here and there is that we tend never to focus on the friends that you have in your life right now.  They are the most valuable friends that you have as they define the person you are now.....I enjoy and embrace all of my friends who I never lost track or love for but an open heart for those who's days we can improve have tremendous value.  It is important to be important everywhere you are.  It is the only way to turn a new location into a new home.   

I can blog again or is it too soon

Hello All,  I mean hello Me.  Who the fuck would read this shit anyway.  Not enjoying work as much as I used to which is not too much since I am no longer self employed.  Being an employee is a worthless way to go through life.  Anything you do right you will never gain the reward for and anything you do wrong will be used against you.  Lets face it it all will be used against you.  I wish I could just yell at these Mfrs that my net worth is more than this whole fucking offices times two but who the fuck would care.  They may already know that already.  I guess I am just biding my time until I can retire.  Sad to think that I may have 20 more years of this mindless dribble.   Its not too bad if it was not for the people that I work with, the work itself I find sort of interesting.  I can make anything interesting I guess because I am interesting......Yeah right, All I do is plan the next time I am going to jerk off.  Even that is loosing its interest.  It is a bad sign when you stop doing the things that you enjoy.  Reminds me of the time when my Doctor asked me if I have lost the joy in doing what I used to enjoy.  I asked him if he is asking me if I still Jerk Off.   Jeez, some doctors can't take a joke.  Doctors are generally assholes and I should know. 
Now that I have proven myself smarter than three engineers I wonder what I am going to do for fun at work.   I think that I may just start looking for another job and start it all over again.  It would be like Ground hog day but instead of just walking around some little town (Woodstock Illinois) I could just ruin then rebuild my life over and over again.  I should have a sense of humor about it by now.  I do have another interest on my horizon.  I am studying classical music and in time will be proficient enough to teach it.  If I stay focused on it I should be a high level player.  It is all about the practice and that is what makes anything in life hard.  Being excellent at anything is simple it just isn't easy.  I may close out my life with that.  My first love was always the guitar.  It is the only friend that I have had that does not mind my drinking. 
I do think of others often but hardly ever bother to write or call.  Not that they are not worthy or I am too busy but where do we pick up.  Hi, I forgot about you.  It has been so long since I have last eaten your food or wore your clothes.  So what has changed since I last crapped at your house.  We all get stuck in our small lives.  Too bad our TVs are better friends than people who have helped you settle a debt the old fashioned way  Maybe, it is because people always seem to complain like that is friendship.  I don't care that your wife is a bitch or that you are retarded and just unaware of it   Then the happy friends are assholes too.  Like I really care that you are so please with all of your successes.  I actually am pleased for you but why do you have to make me admit it.  One habit that I would like to break would be this respect and social bullshit that I have picked up.  I am either above or below someone.  I may have spent too much effort trying to fit in an Asian family where that kind of stuff is very important, except to my wife who does not bother thinking about it.  Then why the fuck do I.  Who knows.   One good thing about getting older and the fewer friends you have is that fact there is less people to fit in with.  But there is less chance of getting into a 3 way or a fist fight so it must be even.

It is time to blog again, Maybe twice in one day but only if I am at work

Blogging is good for the soul.  I can open up and tell my true feelings knowing that nobody cares.  I guess I can do that in real life as well as nobody cares.  People are still jerk offs and I still jerk off so it all still makes sense somehow.  Now I am no longer self employed person who takes on all the responsibilities in the World I have found a way to do that at another job.  Not the same.  No sense of pride doing all you can to ensure success and survival where most others in the group would prefer the ship to sink just to tell you they told you so.  It amazes me that I put any effort into people at all.  It further amazes me that I am even here.  Oh well, life can surely deal some surprises.  My wife still tells me how to whip my ass so I am not left without advice and instruction.  The job itself does interest me and the reports I write and research I perform does make me feel some small level of pride.  Too bad that I am less important than a pimple on my boss's ass, at least that's what he told me.  Why are people always honest with me.  It could be that I am honest with them.  Not such a great deal.  I do prefer honesty even when it is false honesty.  I do like that fact that in Arizona you can go and buy a gun and shoot people if you like.  You may have to wait three days so that they can check you out and maybe what you were so mad at will have calmed down enough so that you don't feel the need to kill people.  I can guarantee that I would still feel the same way in three days as I do now.  Work takes way too much time especially if you spend your time at work working.  Most people I have found are of two species those that work in front of others and those that don't.  How the Fuck do these people stay employed.   Oh, I was not going to curse anymore.  I now have agreed with my wife not to make anymore racial jokes of any kind with anyone as it is insulting to her.   She is Korean and finds the term chink demeaning and just plain rude.   It deeply upsets her the idea that I could condone such banter.   Since I myself do not feel any racist thoughts I can do this for her,  more so for myself.  But then again I must change myself to remove oneself from other peoples worthless indulgences.  I might as well give up porn and drugs while I am at it.   Seems simple enough.  I do condone drinking and doing drugs if it helps you cope with your life's problems.  Too bad it generally causes your life's problems at the same time.  But if you are one of the few that it does not seem to injure I want to party with you. (although I do not drink or do drugs) 

I want to move to Michigan just to brag to the World that I can drink with the best of them.  It must be German and Swedes that landed there that make it OK to be drunk all day every day.  Man they are friendly enough to handle it.  Being Irish I am not friendly enough to be drunk every day.  I would for surely say something and do something that all people would find offensive.  Irish people are hands on haters.  Those snobby and aristocratic Germans and Swedes use fancy words and methods to get their hatred across where an Irish person will just punch you.  Remember kicking your ass is always a reasonable option for an Irishman. 

Why do I find myself trying to help people who are on fire.

It is easy to see people in need and try to help them but what good does it usually provide?  Not much usually, at best you can get some of thier mess on you as well.  Corperate America is a new enviroment for me and I must say that I am not that impressed.  A lot of effort is spent on establishing relationships with people in power and avoidance to anyone who can harm you position.  Really sad is how dehumanizing the whole process is.  People are emotional and are motivated to perform their best when you give someone some positive reenforcement.  If your Boss changes your whole job may be in jeopardy just because they want people they can control rather than win over.  Hard lessons for the people who are vulnerable.  Even when you yield it was never soon enough.   Truthfullness has little value in this world as to avoid any attention is the best method.  How can they sleep at night knowing that they are harming good people.  It is hard to exist in such a world and be yourself unless you are a lazy and non aggressive dumb ass, or at least act as one.  To lie to you is common in this world and your reputation depends upon your capacity to be lied too.  I am also learning that complaining about anything is pointless.  Nobody cares and if you are lucky you are ruining their buzz.  Drug use seems like the best approach for the future as reality is just too frustrating for the sober mind.   So my new New Years Resolution is not to give the evidence that supports people Biased opinions.  Power must be meaningless if you don't abuse it.  Fear is easier establish than loyalty.  The good samaritian act should extend to the workplace. 

They words you say will be repeated to those you don't want it to.

Some people just don't have a filter. I am probably one of them. In no way am I better than anyone else. Well that may not be true. I may make better daily decisions if that is a real thing. We are all obsessed with what other people do and to some extent so am I. I just don't want to get in trouble when you get in trouble for doing what you do every day. It is unreasonable to expect others to avoid risks for you that they would not avoid themselves. I imagine that having no boundaries poses certain troubles. Boundaries are good to have for most relationships. Although, when there are no boundaries people can be free to do as they wish and that is generally good, at least for them. I just don't like it when they take certain risks that I am not comfortable with and would never expose myself to. Not that I would not want to nor never did before but for now and the foreseeable future will not. Simple things really. When you roll with people they roll the way they roll. When you get away from it all it is not as bad as it seemed when they were doing it. Maybe I am just more private than other people are and do not masturbate constantly in front of people because that is how I roll. Either way these are the people who are in my life and why should I shun them for them being themselves. Shunning is the harshest of punishments for most people do endure and the easiest to perform. Safety in numbers does not apply with the people I know......

The best way to change others is change yourself.

Many times we are disappointed in other people because they do not share the same values that you share. They may run their bullshit scheme right over you and force you to accept their ways. That is fine I guess. Not how I would handle other peoples needs or concerns but that is more often than not the way people tend to handle other people. They just be themselves and let you suffer or enjoy it regardless to whether or not you are enjoying it. I tend to be more accommodating and express that understanding by doing what you would desire me to do. I am convinced that my way is not the best way or the common way just my way and for my satisfaction it is the only way I am going to be. Live and let live is the best advice I imagine. People are on their own paths with or with out you in their lives. No one has that much influence to change where they are going or being. It would be nice if we could enjoy each others company but that includes accommodation for other peoples wants and needs. Not easy to do for anybody, me included. Oh well, that is the way things go. I have learned that my natural gift to return shit is not in my best interest as it causes me to behave in a way that is not pleasing to me or others. It is better that only I am disappointed I guess. In my attempt to get others to examine themselves I am sure that they will only examine me and that is not the intention. Being honorable and behaving honorably is lonely endeavor but in essence I am most concern with what I think of myself than anyone else anyway so I should aim to behave in a way that makes me proud. Pride is an important theme in my life. I want to be proud of how I interact with people and be of benefit to others lives. I have taken the role of asshole to those whom I think deserve it and kind to those whom deserve it. It makes me sad to be rude and crude to anyone so I will aim not to be induced into that type of behavior. I am usually good with that regard but I have slipped here and there. What saddens me is that others to whom you aim to consider do not consider you in the most basic of ways but then again that is their journey and their path and not my concern. Letting go of expectation is very close to not caring and that is a tight wire that I would rather avoid but we all will pass away in this life at some time leaving behind memories and remnants of what you valued. Too bad abuse is legacy that lasts longer than caring. Neglect is never forgotten. We are each other's Worlds. We should treat each other with more respect. I do preach a lot to others about what they should value and behave and for that I am sorry. I should not put my expectations on you if you have no interest in what I think or desire. I should learn other people's boundaries and respect them.......Again, that tight rope of not caring comes to mind. Nothing is more insulting than not valuing what someone else's values. What is incomprehensible is when they expect you to value about them what they refuse to value about you..........The hard part is taking yourself out of the relationships that you have. Successful relationships with others often do not involve you anyway it is more based on how successfully you can tolerate them. Time heals all wounds and I have my own wounds to consider so why should I be focused on others. They are not focused on mine.

Survival of the fittest.

This world is over consumed in every capacity. Maybe less is more. Maybe no criticism is thanks enough. It is hard to compare how soft and self absorbed our culture is until you compare it to others. The American culture has become a culture of one. Focus on the individual has changed into an obsession. We are all self gratifying bastards with little regard to others about 98 percent of the time. I want to shove your iPhone straight up your ass and take your picture with it. We assume others do not care because they do not say so. People are usually nice to us when they want something in return. If you need nothing in return than why are we upset when we do not get it. Balance in life is hard. The hill is always stepper as we look ahead and the past always seems to be more pleasant a place. That is because we forget the pain and remember the good. To bad we can't have that same view of the future. Optimist are jerk offs as well. I am learning as best I can to leave everyone alone. They do not realize that they are as aggravating as they are. Maybe that is why I focus on humor with so many people as a joke or happy moment we both can share and a good laugh is evidence of the joy that we have for each other. But people would rather laugh at stuff or shows from people they do not know. I never understood or participated in sit com humor. Maybe the Cosby Show just pissed me off and I wanted to bang Lisa Bonnet but Dick jokes on TV like that one 2 and 1/2 men just don't appeal to me. I would rather be funny myself. People's sense of humor is an amazing concept into their intimate side. If they laugh they may let you in. If they don't laugh with you they may not trust you. Who knows, Who Cares...........I do. I like to laugh and have some fun. I like it more than anything. More than enjoying making others laugh I enjoy when others make me laugh. It shows me that they feel safe with me enough to say and do foolish things. Most people don't trust people enough to do it as their pride and insecurities limit their affection. You don't have to be dirty joked based to do it. Just funny and inventive. It is about the creation of the humor that is important. Like music I do not like to over practice anything as it takes the joy out of it for me. It is just how I am wired and that will not change. I am the other 2 percent. I do feel blessed with those whom have humor that their mind has space to explore and possess a form of intelligence that is not common or abundant. In the word intelligence is the word tell. Some people are just not funny or only have fun at misusing other people with their actions or words. Those people have spoiled souls and never lift people out of their duress. A good sign that some one is funny or has the power of humor is if they can make you laugh when you are sad or upset. That is the best purpose of it. Life is hard and has a lot of pain and loneliness. Laughing with a friend is your best defence against depression and anxiety. Too often, at least in the media, Humor is used as a tactic to gain your trust. Look at how many commercials are based solely on the humor it demonstrates and not at all on the product it sells. Sex sells but so does humor. I think that in this over sexed society we have now focused our efforts on humor. Unfortunately, this humor has no taste or underlying message. Like the wizard of Oz the man behind the curtain is providing the show. Teams of writers deliver without their identity reveled. Back in our day comics put their reputations and persona on the line. Carlin, Pryor, etc were people whom wrote most of their material. Now it is a show based on the lowest common denominator. Not based on Art or true social commentary. Nothing is what it seems. When you watch a TV show you are buying the brain washing to consume instinctively items that you will desire. Even if you don't buy them you will desire them based on the marketing strategy. Every Sunday is the Superbowl now and you have permission to drink beer with 18 of your closets friends. I have about 5 closets friends and as a matter of mutual benefits I do not drink with them........If you are wondering why I have changed subjects it is because I had a phone call that distracted my first portion of the passage and in true to form I don't think much about what I do.......I just do. Most likely I do it better than you...........Keep your comments to yourself would be a great self help book. The things you should not say could be another. Or I am here for you to hurt me so go ahead...................Getting back to what is real. People have what they want to have. You will find a way to get what you want from people. You can forgive or deny forgiveness based on what you really want. Other people demand to be treated in a way that pleases them not you. You can either please them or not, if that pleases you. If you want to know what others will give you in the future look at what they gave you in the past. Expecting other things means you are a dumb ass. We are all alone in our world competing for the attention of other people. Is it unreasonable to expect from others what you can't do yourself? If you respect yourself how much do you need from other people. Validation is great but it should not be a necessity for your behavior. Sometimes you are right when others are wrong. Basic principles of self reliance and gratification starts with masturbation.

The best laid plans never result in having sex.

If life was as we expect it would be I would have 29 blow jobs this week alone. Maybe one or two a month would be great but I would not want to put you out. Who cares anyway? I don't know of many people over the age of 28 who are happy with their sex lives and if I did I would like you even less. We all live in the past in that regard I imagine. I spend the best moments of my life alone so why would sex be any different. I can almost predict my next move as if I know what I am going to do next. At least I am able to meet my expectations. As far as those young lustful days of ejoying the whole process. Like cooking for other people it is more of a burden that just leads to critisizm and group disappiontment. Again, doing it all by yourself at least leaves you satisfied and without the wise comments of how they like it or not. Why do people always find pleasure in something negative to say but hardship in something kind? Why do people seem so surprised when you return their bullshit to them like you created it in the first place?

Well it is time to start blogging again

It has been a long time and I thought that facebook was the place to write my muse but it is apparent to me that too many people on there don't really care to read what you have to say. Or better yet too many self absorbed types that can't find humor in a hand job. I mean come on there are better alternatives. Either way it is time to start writing down the thoughts that I have as I feel they are mostly good and reflect what I value and persieve. First of all most people are rude and if they are not rude they are boring. Unfortunately, many people are both. I have noticed also that few people have your best interests in mind as YOU exist as only comparison to how they exist. I am tired of their empty minds and empty hearts. I would prefer empty minds and hearts as most peoples minds and hearts are filled with thier own piss. In a world of few allies I have come to recognize those that are my allies. I may seem hurt but tell me what you did to extend yourself to another person and how did they treat you for it. Most likely they looked at you like you were retarted and in many ways we are. The concept of changing for the better does not include constant redicule and judgement of others. Letting people lay as they are is a wonderful concept. We offer more respect to a sleeping dog than our family and friends. Also what annoys me is how people never pre think about their encounters. The questions they ask are more like medical histories or interrigations that attempt to expose your weaknesses. I almost don't care about it anymore. If you were worthless to me when I was down you are more worthless now that I am climbing back up. I too make assessments of you but it is more a way to ensure that you are on a good path and to engage you in a way the lifts you upward. If your path to achievement involves pushing others down you are on a lonely path. To all those who are envious you are ignorant of your own worthlessness. I am no longer interested in carrying your bloated weight. You can include me in your comparisions as I am no longer offended by your harrassment............The take home message is that if you are good with you you are good with others. Others are always tolerable and managable when you have a good view of yourself. When you consider how little people care for your successes you will not be as eager to grant credibility to their critisizms. Again, I feel like I am being defiant and angry. Critisizm hurts more when you can not allow yourself to be wrong. Living a life is about being wrong. Why where you wrong and for what were you wrong about. Being lazy, insensitive and mean spirirted is no way for a mature adult to behave. Then why do we do it. We do it to cure our own empty feelings for ourselves. I am tired of people self medicating with insults. If you are going to be coarse at least have some humor. Even Joan Rivers is occasionally funny. Make an effort at not being impuslsively bad humored.......That all being said I will not adbandon the assholes in my life as they are better than the indiferent. Just don't expect me to be bothered by your bullshit......

Time to get started.

Well the big move is done and I am alone with my wife in AZ. Not a bad place to be. People here are not as friendly as I would like but I live in a fantasy world where everyone is as nice as me. I should know better by now. Loosing weight is not easy but it is fun to get back to being the bad ass that I think I am . I just wish that I did not let it go as bad as I did but I did so there we are. The wife is good and she is starting to put the pressure on. She is good that way but I trust she wants the best for me so I do admire her for it. I am pleased to be a part of a new life with new friends and new challanges, I just have to get started finding all of them. If you think of me I think of you more. It is just my nature.

Okay, its time to start writing again.

Okay, I give up giving up. Ready and willing to move across the country leaving all my friends and possessions to be with the my greatest possession, the relationship that I have with my wife. Oh, and all of my stuff. It has been interesting living apart of my wife but apart from my wife and my stuff now that is a reality check. It brings me back to when I had nothing much to offer other than my great personality, intelect and charm. It is a good practice when you live out of a duffle bag at your buddy's house. It has been nice to spend so much time with people who really care for you but like all things change occurs and time moves us forward even though we wish that it wouldn't. I am very grateful for all of the friends that I have and will miss them dearly. Some more than others, it is all relative. Anything we do is relative to what we put into it. I know that as a friend I am worth the investment and I am proud to know that I have friends worthy of my blind generositiy. Some people that I thought were friends have evaporated like vapors but that is okay. It all comes out in the end. Not really feeling the writing vibe right now but it will come back. BOB

Your problems are easy for me to help, because they are yours.

Sometime my heart bleed so much for other that I drown in my own words. I have, or at least I believe, a very keen assessment ability to evaluate people and their situations. There struggles and strife. I am likely too good at and I admit pontificate too long. But it much more than what you do for me. What do I get for wisdom and maybe advise. Most people say that I would not listen anyway but that is not true. I will not act like I am listening. I am always listening. I agree that advice giving and receiving is a dangerous game. I tend to be blunt and repetitive. But seldom wrong or cruel. I truly want people to better their situations and move forward with what they have to move forward through. It is much harder counseling yourself through your own problem. Why is that people are so apprehensive about giving advice? If you care for someone you should advise them of your view of their situation as long as it is not too personal. I would not give sexual advise to a friend or a relative. It just is not appropriate and likely they are better at it than me anyway. I try to be encouraging but often I likely just present challenges that are likely too big to be undertaken. That is why that have not done them yet in the first place. It is the general nature of advise giving. Easy to figure out what to do, near impossible to actually do it. Not to mention motivation. Now I am not going to write some self help book because I hate that shit. I do prefer people who shoot it straight, are not mean spirited and are usually correct. Advise is horrid because it is stuff we already know and the advise given is a frustrating form of punishment for not doing what they should have done already. I am going to start to act completely surprised next time someone gives me advise because I don't want them to think that I was too stupid not to do what I should have done already. That means I am lazy or something like that. We just want to see our friends make progress through their lives within our lifetime. We don't mind you having problems all the time as long as they are new problems.

As for me I am tough and would not want your help anyway. Very few ever help me where I am always helping others. It is just a way to keep people away from my needy core. Those that do help me are invaluable to me. The highest esteem for me is to accept help from you. Call it pride I guess but help is often turned into abuse or at least debt and for that reason alone I don't want it. If you give to me with no expectation back I would gladly accept but who is stupid enough to do that other than me. Life is a gift, our duty is to give.. Receiving is a part of giving that I have not been to good with. If someone give you something, anything, they want something from you. At best they want you to be comfortable, which I freely give. They may want your friendship which is always an awkward situation. I really like generous people and am comfortable around them as that is my nature as well. It is those people pretending to be generous when they are truly manipulative annoy the piss out of people. I wish that nice people would act like nice people and assholes would act like assholes not to confuse the rest of us.

In totality, I have always had a lot of friends and I felt they were close friends. It takes up a lot of my time and believe me if I am with you I care greatly for you otherwise I would not be there. I do not need your approval or comradery. I need you for reasons I do not even understand. Funny how those things I just accept and not analyze.

BOB