It has been years since I last blogged.

I don't blog nearly as much as I used to. There are many things that I do not do as much as I used to. Eating is not one of them. To update, Moving out west to start a new life seems daunting but whatever comes my way I will meet with the tools I have as I always do. People are sad to see me go as I am most loved. It is mutual. The mutual part is the hardest. At best people think of you what you think of them. It seems odd to me some of the issues that I have come across. Generally I have managed most things quite well to my thinking. Not as good as I would like but the best that I can do. I am never surprised by peoples selfishness anymore. It is constant and consistent. Silly me to think that my life is my life. I look forward to the up coming challenges. I find it at least interesting that my skill set is so rare, or at least it seems to be. I find a way to help for more often than just try. I do fail on occasion to help people but it is a much smaller portion than others. I don't think that I am too hard to help. Simple really, I like food, boxing, playing my guitar, rock and roll concerts, drinking 3 or less beers, crude humor. I do not like to be belittled and mocked nor dominated. If you choose to do that to me I will do it back to you. Crazy to see how much people whine and complain with everything that they do they don't even realize it. If you demonstrate disappointment for things that should not disappoint you you suck balls and should be slapped. I, as if you know me would know, have the ability to listen and think outside my own eyes to aid people with their problem. In crisis I almost never criticize. I choose encouragement as my tool. It is quite easy and I will share it with all of you. Tell people what they are and not what they are not. It is simple to find fault, hard to notice quality. You can lead more people by not pushing. Try not to alienate others by your help. Because at the root of it you should care more about the rapport with people than being right and as for me. Don't put your hand near a growling dog. Now, I would assume that this is basic stuff but it is not. It is a good thing for me that I rely on myself for the most part anyway. I have learned the hard way the confide is the root word to confidence. I notice when I disappoint and hurt others expectation but I don't tend to make a habit out of being ignorant. I tend to argue that ignorance is stupidity not corrected. Now something you do for the first time it is easy to be naive. But being a person someone would bring their problems and needs to should be learned by most people over 9. Anyway, at my core I am building my strength. I am grateful to those who do help me. I am amazed at those who can do it in a way that does not glorify themselves or alienate me. I strive to correct my wrongs but to those that I offend that will be the end of my remedy. I do not kiss ass anymore unless I want to. Wouldn't that be great if everyone was as bold and direct. If you like ask me what I think of you and I will tell you. I don't have a problem with that. To those people that I call or keep close touch with you should know already. I am at a point in my life that if you will be real with me I will be real with you. If you feel justified to attack me so will I. If you show me kindness, so will I. I am a mirror to my environment. I had a beautiful dinner Sunday, I called my friends to thank them. I did not deserve it. They were not paying me back for something I did earlier. They are kind to me as I am to them. Great friends. I have many. I am blessed........Anyway, I am venting which is boring I would much rather rant. I will leave you all with a thanks to those who deserve one and I wish you could get your head out of my ass for those who don't. Be the best you can be. Know the people you love so that you CAN help them. Be a person of importance to more people than yourself. Don't let your right hand be the only source of gratification you have. And, most of all, is patience and tolerance for all things. That is what I am trying so hard to regain. Also, Nothing annoys someone more than telling them something they already know, especially in a way that makes them more provoked. That and I pay all of my debts, Good and Bad.

Just hanging around waiting to turn around

Just doing time by myself, in the corner with no one else around. Without permission or supervision. Up to my own accord. It is my world to clean and remove all that can be seen. New beginings, new wounds to mend. All is lost but I will rise again. It could be worse and I am sure someday will be. Too bad That I did not enjoy all that I had when I had it. Without getting specific as that would bore you worse than I am already I have grown in several ways that are good. Trouble does seem to humble one. Not that I needed it but it does leave me more appreciative that all of us struggle through hard times and we are all alone to deal with our problems. It is only you who can be your sherpa. Friends can comfort you but not carry you as far as you need to go.

My Jaw Hurts.

My jaw hurts from sucking too much cock. If it is all the same to you I wont complain anymore than that. I am almost out of complaints. What could you do for me anyway. We pay and get nothing, we ask and get nothing, we smile and get nothing, I tell you what is bizarre to me it is the bullshit etiquette that we dole out when we do any commerce. I hate a thank you when we don't mean it. "Is there anything else we can do for you today?" Other than sucking my balls I wish you would jump in front of a train. I just complained how you fucked me over for the past twenty minutes and you ask me that. I don't get it. It is false and disingenuous and that is where we are as a culture. We really don't care about anyone or anything other that what is on TV and what my facebook says. I cry and complain but I probably really am not doing too bad. I hope that you are doing worse so that you can make me feel guilty. I got news for everyone, I will not feel guilty anymore or at least I will try. I am most likely kinder and more thoughtful than you. If I piss you off then good, I was trying. I am good at anything I try to do. My Mommy told me so. I hope that I get out of this laim ass funk sometime soon but I don't think I will. As long as I have to live this gay ass life pleasing other people I will be doomed. Doomed to pretend. As long as we all agree to pretend then it should all be okay. It is a good thing that I do not have an alcohol or drug problem but I am about as fat as a sheep before slaughter. I would be better off being stoned and drunk, at least those abuses have some entertainment value. I will go back to my life of smiles and cares and pretend to be strong. At least I do not have to pretend to be in love or care for people like so many people seem to be. Do say thank you to me and push me in the same sentence. I am pleased to know that I have family and friends who do care. It is genuinely difficult to behave as good as you want to. I always know the best way but sometimes I cant seem to stop the momentum. Maybe today is my day one for what I need to do....... I am going to go home and practice my guitar and enjoy the sounds it makes. I will improve my art and fill my cup......When someone fucks you over it would be nice to get a sorry out of it.... I think that I will fix all those that I have left on my mind ASAP. Believe me it is a short list. It is just not my nature.

What to do when you run out of gas?

Well my upside down stretch of life continues. It is on spin cycle now. Through chaos I have found clarity. At my ends of despair I find wisdom. It must be part of the suffering process to let go of what is not necessary and hold on to what is. I am letting go of arrogance and pettiness. I am holding on to love for my wife and my friends. Being humbled is humbling. Loosing sometimes shows you what you have. People are loosing everything even when they seemingly have it all. Keeping focus on what is important is easier when the fire burns hottest. Being honest and pure in spirit is the key to survival, if at least emotionally. I have found that I do not any longer have the strength nor desire to fight. Being kind is what I am good at so I might as well start and end there. Life has lessons and we should be growing through them. Becoming better people should be a constant occurrence for all of us. Betterness is not something you drive or wear on your wrist. It is a peace and knowledge of who you are and whom you align yourself with. I hope that this peacefulness can continue and not let it be corrupted by trivial arguments. I do not think that I am a spiritual person but maybe this is that kind of feeling. A faith if you may. We shall see what more harm this life has for us and endure it with grace and dignity.

What is your weakness for the day.

Everybody has a weakness. Some people are riddled with them like ridges on ruffles potato chips. That's all you see is their flaws. Others hide them well. Some people don't have many as they just don't seem to care about anything at all. What will piss me off is generally when people are rude or disruptive, which I generally am so I am always mad at myself. Maybe I will change some of the things that I am. Interesting times for the family as we are attempting to plan a party for our mother whom is turning 70 years old. Great idea but much more difficult to pull off than you would think. The infighting that exists in families knows no bounds or limits. We choose not to get along when we should yield and do our best. The simplest of actions such as enjoying someones company is too much of a burden to endure. If we don't care about other people why are we so upset with them. It just does not make much sense to me. We shall see how the party goes. I hope it all goes well. Well enough of that sad crap.

What is so great about baseball. I think baseball is gay. The whole idea of it bores me to hell. People are so excited about the pitchers and the catchers being at spring training. That shows us that they celebrate gay activity. Also we celebrate the Olympics just a bit too much. Anything that takes four years to happen is just not worth getting that excited about. It is like my sex life. As little action as I get would not warrant such anticipation.

Today is another day.

Just another day for me. How about you? I hope that all is well with you and you have peace in your heart and mind. Together you and your happy thoughts could take a shower. I have been asked lately if my meds are correct. All because I have the ability to articulate complex emotions and thoughts don't think that I am loosing my mind. I know that the world at large would rather just not hear it and I may comply. I just may not have a lot to say. So in my silence I suffer alone, like I do on this blog. Alone I am not. I am proud of the life that I have created. I have a loving wife, more cars than I need and the respect from those whom I care about. What more could a man ask for. I could command the respect from those that I do not care about but that is a fools game. I am just waiting to see what hand to play next. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Usually waiting is met with disappointment and that's why we hate it so much. Good things come to those that wait. That is wrong. I have to act happy everywhere I go so not to burden people with my burden. That is fine for the most part and fair, I just wish others would play by the same rules. Some people make it their mission to influence others for the dumber. I don't. I consistently and often under punishment try to make people better people. I tolerate them and try to aid their journey through life with some insight. From my perspective it is a rare skill. People are generally better at pissing people off than helping them. I have a few friends that help me even though they don't know it. I keep it to my self. I don't want them to know that I know that they know me.

Things are sad all over. I am proud of my friend.

I have been looking for some emotional or spiritual or who knows the hell kind of uplifting thoughts to help me through this hard time that I am going through and I am devoid of most inspiration. However, In seeing how other people act to adversity can be amazing. It is great when they will still be good fathers and brothers and husbands and all that stuff even through they crap in a bag or talk threw a tube. They will still be the things they have to be in spite of their disability. I am humbled. That inspires me to be good at all the things I need to be good at. No words can convey the path that just has to be walked. So to my good friend know that I care and I am sorry that I have not seen what you are going through because of my head and ass's relationship.

How do we deal with the sadness of others.

It is hard to endure the sadness of others. First off it is saddening itself then the challenge of changing their sadness to joy in near impossible or improbable. Wondering how to proceed yet anchored by the depth of grief in their eyes haunts you all through your day. There is no escape from the pain that others feel when they are yours. It may even be worse for the witness as they are powerless. I have chosen, as I always do, to do my best in every role I play and accept what limits I have to change what is unchangeable. Lost are the better days that I missed. One thing is for sure that the sun will rise again tomorrow and I will look forward to its prospects. Can we change ourselves enough to verify the necessity for suffering. I think to some degree we cant and that is why some people seem to suffer a lot. One thing is for sure, in this life we all get a turn.

I am sorry that I ignored you, It was an accident.

Do people ignore people on purpose. I don't do that too often as it is rude as hell. I sure do ignore people accidentally. That happens very often. I am typically self consumed. I have also learned from my drinking episode that I must sound like a complete asshole when I am drunk. I heard what I was saying but I just could not stop the bullshit from leaving my mouth. I hope that I am inferred at least as funny. Humble I am not. Truth be told I am humble but just less than most people. I like to brag about my many talents and if you give me a minute I will show them too you as well. I just don't think that I am as good as I think I am. Let me correct that I am not as good as I think I am but that is what makes me as good as I am. I believe in myself to the point of delusion. I am committed to the art of self gratification. If I was not is such a rush maybe someone else would do it for me. Just like my sex life. My wife may be in the mood but I already jerked off. (just kidding, I don't jerk off, I make looooooovvvvvvveeeeee.) Anyway, rather than take criticism too seriously I will just lighten up. I mean who cares anyway. Its only rock and roll or what ever. Nothing to get too upset with. Its just not that important. Generally however people never seem to understand how difficult certain little things can be. I always give thanks and praise to anyone who does something at least good. I don't think being critical is all that helpful. If it was we would all be great at everything we do.

Trying to stay sane with some help from my friends

Overall I am doing fair to good considering the stress of uncertainty. Changes are coming just don't know what they are yet. I will try to patiently wait them out. Being patient is not easy for me nor most people. Now things are good with the family which is good. All my brothers are going to be getting together for our mother's 70th birthday which will be a great occasion. We have not all been in the same room together since my father's passing. It would be nice to see all of us together without a funeral. So that is good news. Work is slow and that sucks. Oh, I did crap my own pants last week for the first time since I am 5 years old. I sneezed and crapped out a pudding pop serving size. I was on some antibiotic and I guess people were right when they said that could mess your ass up. I did still go to the store. Ace hardware should understand that a man who craps his pants and still goes shopping is mentally tougher than you.

Are we all ready to die.

Yeah that is a grim one but recently several people close to me have attempted suicide. Not a great hobby to start. Especially if you are good at what you do. I would never try that as a remedy but who knows. No one wants mental illness. Too bad we dont have brain viagra. Sure you can take meds for depression but viagra can give you a hard on that lasts for hours and hours. You can use your dick to carve wood if you had to. Yup, that viagra is better than paxil. Now I never had to take those paxil style of meds. I just dont believe in the bullshit answers that doctors give patients or furthermore what patients would accepts. Lets face it no 200 pills are going to cure the fact that you are an asshole. Also why is the word viagra look like the word vagina. Why dont they just call it vagina and get it over with. Those drug names do bother me. Flowmax. Now that would have to be a pill for guys as I could never see a woman buying a pill called flowmax. I just dont like to be marketed to constantly. Just tell me the truth and I will do with it as I may. If you market to me I will resist it.

As far as my music goes I am still the best guitarist that I have in my head. I do enjoy playing and actually listening as well to others play but my enthusiasm gets the better of me and I dominate the world again. All because I am aware of my defects will have little effect upon future outbreaks. Maybe I need valtrex for my mind. To prevent future asshole outbreaks. Either way, I care less and less about what other people think of my music. If you dont like it I dont care. I probably dont like how you play either although at least I try. I generally try to find something that I like in everybody. Some people are harder.

Did you ever be rude in general to avoid a worse situation. I had to today to avoid talking about a more sensitive issue. I generally have control over what I do even when it looks like I don't.

Anyhow, lets not get too heavy. I sold a guitar, reducing down the fleet. I have enough anyway and too much is just that too much. If I don't love it it must go. Too bad I cant use that motto everywhere. We tend to keep around which we don't love. My dogs better not piss me off.

Trying to stay peacefully although I am not. Each day is a fight for all that I have. Its no joke. Death will come to us all and I question us to what we have learned. Do we at least know ourselves. Why do we judge others based off of their weaknesses. I tend to accept them as part of the whole and not separate it. Life is stressful. So much so that it can kill you. After that you have nothing anyway. So why worry about it now.

Merry Christmas?

I hope that all of you had at least a fair Christmas. Mine was fair at best. Not horrible. There was some niceness but it was mostly from my girlfriend Russ and his family. I hope that they accept me still even thought I will most likely never turn gay and deflower their father. There is just some bridges that I will never cross. As for the home life, nothing better at Christmas like a good cold shoulder. I wish that people would hide their true feelings from me especially when they are negative in nature. I do my best not to share them with you. Sometimes I slip and curse and rant but I don't mean to do it. I just feel like for that instance you deserve to see my frustration. Don't worry, you can punish me endlessly and I will welcome the opportunity to let you back into my good graces when you are able to participate in normal healthy interaction. I look forward to when my memory fails me so that I can forget my life. Now that is a little sharp but who cares about me anyway. Oh, well. I am not going to let it ruin my day or even my minute. Being alone in a marriage has its advantages anyway. You know what the future will be. The joy that you will have in your life will be of your own creation. If you want to know what you do wrong you will and if you do everything correct you may achieve silence, at least they are not complaining. Oh well, Why do we spoil children and forgive their transgressions where as adults we are keeping score of everything that happens. Do we not appreciate that this life is temporary short time. I know that I can forgive but even that is lonely. I sometime wish that I could be a simpler person and just not think of such things but if I was then I would not be Bob. If anyone thinks that I am self pitying I may be, but say it to my face and see what you get. Just consider this another method of masturbation and then it may make sense. I have discovered recently what else does offend me. I will not reveal it as it will make it easier for those to do so. Oh well, I have work to do. Oh by the way, don't engage in political debate or rhetoric if you cant take any criticism. Just keep your fragile views to yourself.

Just another tricky day

When I am not stress out to holy hell I feel worse. Work is slow due to the economy and holidays and most of all my genuine dislike for people maybe showing more than it used to. I used to care so much about other peoples issues and concerns. Meeting and exceeding their needs meant so much to me. Today it means allot still but maybe not as much. My views are my views, my advice is my advice. Do as I say or don't. Your problems will be worse if you choose to manage them the way you are but that is just a moot point by now. I sometimes wonder how I fit into this paradigm. How my behavior causes me to suffer more than I should. I clearly know my faults and behaviors that I continue to pursue in spite of punishment. So we are all guilty of something. I guess that I truly want to be the most interesting and intelligent person in the world but that pursuit is probably neither. I surely make my life more complicated by caring for other people as much as I do. Lately, it is just more apparent how much less I get back. Not that people don't mean well but being kind, capable and sturdy just don't show up that often in one person. I did a nice thing today. I took a friend and their family out to lunch to celebrate her recovery from breast cancer. Now that is a good thing to do and I am pleased to do it for them as they are great people who know how to endure. Maybe, I should spend more time with them or the like. I would rather just play my guitar and eat sausage sandwiches but no one will let me. Being slow at work scares me to hell and back. I worked so hard to have what I have and it is evaporating. In my heart I know that I can climb any mountain again I just have to pull my self up and do something positive. I would hang out with more positive people but they are just so damn annoying. There bullshit mantra of just do and think positive. I am a negative serious guy who will succeed. I feel that I am changing from a talker to a doer. I don't know if that is possible but my wife's influence may be starting to take effect. Actions speak louder than words type of guy. I am also wondering if I should be myself even more with people. I hide my serious side because people don't need to know. Maybe I will be the serious man everywhere that I go and not the clown. I am sorry if I am boring, Now you know how I feel when I am with you.

A little board so I guess I can write en

Lets see if anything interesting can come out of a man who is board and alone. The alone part I am good with. As social as I am I do enjoy my alone time. Some people may say too much so you should call before you come over or at least knock. My general view is if you want to watch me do anything go right ahead. Anyhow, life at home is still very challenging. All the best wishes and efforts can only yield so much. At least I try and am consistent. You can't make people happy but you can try. When it comes to family you just keep on trying. I believe that not holding a grudge is important. If people are having difficulty the least you can do is not hold a grudge against them for it. I hate when people say "Don't take it out on me." Fuck those intolerant assholes. I am always putting up with their bullshit anyway and never say that to them as they would implode with grief. People generally don't like my answers to life's little problems. I tend to be too real or truthful. I say if you don't like it prove me wrong and change you situation to a positive one. If you are looking for someone to agree with you and that person is me you are in the wrong place. I generally will just not say anything but once in a while I will give you my opinion and guess what. I am right. The problem for me is that I am far too often right. I had a nice visit with my nephew this weekend and let him borrow my car to drive around. Pleased to say that he did not ruin the car and seemed to treat it with allot of respect. Amazing as it may seem people earn respect by their conduct not just being alive taking up space. I am proud of him for that. Somehow, the people that deserve positive attention don't get enough of it because they just do the right thing based on principle not reward. They are motivated by their own sense of good or service. I am far to motivated for that method of action and what do I have to show for it. That is why I may go and buy a telecaster today because I want another one. I may be turning a selfish corner here but that may be for the better anyway. I wish all my friends peace and harmony this holiday season even though all my friends have some level of turmoil and dismay. I will spend this holiday remorsing for my losses and fears for my future. Actually, I am learning to to think that far ahead. Live for today and be where you are for soon we all will be gone and all we will have left is a scar. Boy that would make a great Christmas card. I have good wishes for other but leave your problems to yourself and I will do the same. Don't ever say never in a million years because million years can happen.

anyway, I told you nothing fun today. I miss the days when I could kick you in the face and have more sex in a day than would take 2 months to achieve. At least I am an honest man.

bob

More thoughts for the weak minded.

Even my mind is getting weak. It saddens me to think that the only person that I can turn to for help is me but I seem to be the most qualified to help. Others could help but I do not want to burden them. Sharing my feeling usually leads to disappointment anyway. People tend to annoy me with their limits. I truly feel often that no one can help me anyway. I don't require ideas just show me kindness or some enduring character trait that I admire about you. I should make my best efforts to hide my feelings as if I share them you will feel pain. Giving people my pain does not make me feel better just ashamed as I should and can be stronger than that. I will and always will endure. If you really want to help leave me alone and don't tread on my space. I will leave you alone in return. It is sad to a degree that the ones who have great capacity to aid others are helpless themselves. I feel that as I get older I grow colder. I did have a young lady at McDonald's show kindness towards me that we both appreciated. A young pretty high school girl simply aware of how to say hello and simple repore made me feel better. It is a shame that we get so hardened by punishments life has to offer. No I am not attracted to her in a weirdo old man way. I save the weird stuff for middle aged men. I have a bias against anyone offering bullshit optimism to tragety. There is no reason for why things happen other than people are stupid, careless, or drunk so please spare the world your laim ass advice. I would rather prepare for the worst it can be as that is what it usually is. I can handle that too.

Back underwater again.

We shall see how much punishment can come from one mistake. We shall see. I want all the harm available. At least you can count on things being the worse that they can. For all you folks who thing being negative is bad GOOD FOR YOU. I am a realist not a negativist. I am more positive on my worst day than most people I know. I just am not in the mood for eating more shit. I am thinking what do I need to do the adapt to this problem. I had a breakthrough thought. My biggest problem, other than the other problems, are my health issues. Maybe I should deal with them and turn them into strengths. I could do it. I can do anything I set my mind to I just don't want to but I may halve to. I may loose all the weight and strengthen my arm so I am strong again out of sheer necessity. Today will be my true day one for those goals. Through strength and discipline I will recover whatever this life delivers me. I tell you one thing however, I am getting tired

Back in the Saddle Again.

I am pleased for my wife. She got another temp job. It is not much to brag about but I can brag about her if I like. She is in the ring again and for that I feel great. Great for her as she is I am sure pleased to be back, although a limited role, being a normal person again. I am so proud of her. She is quite the special Little lady. I hate to see her suffer and be depressed. This is not the light at the end of the tunnel per se but it is a new beginning. I am pleased for her. It has been a bit chaotic with the family. People just seem to have a hard time with boundaries. Now I am no saint by no means but at least I am careful with how I treat people around sensitive subjects. That is more than I can say for the rest of them. Just bulldozers of bullshit. Oh, does that hurt, here's more. Not a lot of sensitivity for other peoples feelings or territory. Now, we all need to continue growing so I don't want to point fingers. I would get into the whole thing but it would probably bore you as it bores me. Anyhow, the in laws came over for thanksgiving and all went well. I just wished that people would just leave me alone when I am trying to cook for twenty people. Just shut up. It is a fucking TV set. Find something to watch. There are no forks. So get out the fucking forks. I did everything I could to get as much work done before they all got there. I did a good job of that and all went well. I just wish they would not come over my house and boss me around. You can't have it all so I wont try. I actually care about them allot so it is easy to tolerate their manor. I just would not do it to others. Just shut up and do what you are told. It works for me with them at least. They just would not know another way. Either way, I hope your thanksgiving was full of sex and drunkenness. I am started another diet. We shall see how serious I am this time. I am tired of being tired that much is true.

Anyhow. I am proud of the little woman and that's all I am going to say.

bob

If I was a porn star I would have to be a soft porn short film specialist

In this world of specialization I must admit that I have expertise where it matters least. I would be good for a geriatric home video on why my balls don't work. Hey it is not gone yet but when it goes I wont care. It just does not have the importance that it once did. When I was younger I could dig a trench with the damn thing now I use it for strictly ornamental reasons. I would not be the same without it nor would I like to be but lets just say I am moving on. With or without you. My balls are in a recession. My new name is Dick Nemia.
Oh by the way I had my wife's dad shove his thirty inch pipe down my throat. He did not even take me out to dinner or get me drunk. I had an endoscopy without any meds. We did it old school. It was horrible. The worst feeling I ever had. It made me crazy for a few weeks.

Maybe I should just keep my thoughts to myself.

It seems that the world is not ready for BOB. They are definitely not ready for a BOB that is in distress. He has way too many hard edges on him. I am usually soft and kind but that is not all the time. Sometimes when I could use help I act out like so many people I see. But they don't know how to help when I do. I am not generally the guy who wants or needs help anyway. It is just not my role. Lately, however, I could use some. Lets face it the world only wants to deal with you when you are available for their needs. I am a smart enough guy but have yet to learn how to manipulate people to take care of me when I complain. I can hardly find the energy after listening to people complain all day to complain to others. It just is not me. Now for the future. It is hard to see how it will all play out. I may make some real big moves. The hope is for less overall suffering. Sometimes our attitudes and skills are not enough to control our destiny. Some factors are bigger than that. I wish that I could just toughen up and fix all my problems with shear ball power. This time it just does not seem like it would be good enough and may likely prolong my suffering.
I thought that I had a stressful life before all this trouble but I think it was easy in comparison. I know now how people feel when they have larger pressures. I am glad that I will be able to work through them. I know of many people who do not have the skills and opportunities that I will have to recover.
I know that my best play is to toughen up and not complain as people just don't care and if they did they don't know how to help. I am finding it hard to behave as strong as I want to. Not that I am far off of the mark but far enough off that I am not impressed but I am only human.
So hopefully, I will pull it together. The longer I am married the more I love my wife so at least at that I am successful. I better not be to complacent as I can screw that up too.
We all have peaks and valleys. This period is a valley for sure. I have to keep optimistic and value the friends that I do confide in as they are strong enough not to let me complain as it is not me. For that I am grateful. Why do I attract such hardened people. There are no softies in my world yet I am as soft as they come.
Oh well, To the future with glee and excitement. Happiness is in the eyes of the beholder.
To start over at this age scares me to death. I am having a hard time cumming up with a better decision considering the trends that I observe. I wish that I was wrong but it just does not happen often.
Anyway, I don't think that this post will enlighten or help anyone and for once in my life I could give a shit. I am not here, at least today, to impress you. Because for right now I just don't need to bleed anymore. Saving it for me.
I also have learned that I just argue too much with people. My life would be far easier to just agree all the time with the people I encounter. Why people debate me when I know more than them about things that I know better just does not make sense. People constantly do it to gain territory over you. I want to kick there asses. Why argue with me in the first place. I am glad that I do not have as many bad person habits that I observe in most people. Now I am half crazy if not more than half but I am not going to argue about the price I pay for something or call someone stupid enough times to get them to help me. A friend of mine owns a pawn shop and people constantly argue that what he sells is not worth the price that he sells and that he does not know what he is doing. He just kicks them out of his store. Say you don't want to pay for it but insulting him will not cause him to lower his prices. It just seems like a bad strategy. Now in my experiences the same questions always come up. Why are people so predictable and stupid at the same time. Oh well, it is just me being negative again and the world does not care so I will end this post for the day. Just as I was closing out the best guitarist ever came on the radio. Link Wray rules the world of guitar bob. Nobody know who that is and it is shame the the greatest was not known. If feel better now that I heard the great one. It reminds me that in many ways I am the great one. Do you know how you are great. (see I am always helping people even when sad you feel good and cant even do it)
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Well it is as bad as it could be, but never too bad to handle.

That is what they say. God only gives you what you can handle. Now my God beliefs have long been trouble so lets not go there. I would likely offend allot of people who never read this God Damn blog anyway. I love people who get offended because you are not religious. Actually, not their religion. You never hear, but he is a practicing Jew or a good Muslim. It is all relative to me as far as I care. If that is what you need to get you through this life to the next so be it. However, the sequel is never as good as the original. I am not sure that I want more anyway. It is like waiting for my wife to put out. The waiting is just too much of an issue that I just forget about it. Now that does not mean we do not have a good marriage. She is just not wired for fun. I knew that when I married her so I am fine with it. Just be yourself, even if it bores me. Brings up an interested point that I have. I am never boring. Most people I run into are to some degree boring. Few are never boring. I am one of those.
I asked a gay guy the other day if he was getting any. He looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I am like yeah to catching any Ass. He did not answer just smiled. I asked him if ever in his life if any other non gay guy asked him that. He said no. I believe in fully accepting people not just tolerating them. Even if he is gay he needs that question every now and then. Regular guys ask each other all the time why not for him. He is still a guy. I feel that I am progressive on this issue.

Another thought I had was what should I buy my wife for when I am out of town on business so that if she needs to take care of her business she can and think of me at the same time. They just don't sell dildos that small. Maybe one for midgets, aka little people. Maybe I can fit in at their conventions and what not as I am also a little person to some degree.

To some small degree I have recovered my warped humor which is good. It is nice to have these thought pop into my head while at work or driving.

The band fired me, let me go or as they say moved on to a new project. I feel bad about it but at some level feel relieved or who the hell knows. I do miss playing as often as I did and playing with them was also at least fun albeit a struggle sometimes. I have found that I is not too hard to find other people to play with and that is good. Met some other players already and it is fun to play with other people who love to play as well. Not the girls did not like to play but there are other fish in the sea so to speak. I am back on my own to develop my talent and technique. I do feel that I got the short end of the stick but from my previous comments that's just the way it goes for me. I wish them well but we were together a long time and I hate to see people be better off without you and it seems that is the case here. I wish they fall into a well. Just kidding. It is time for real rock and roll and not imitation rock and roll. I have no aspirations of being a professional musician. I do have aspirations of being a great musician. I will continue my focus on what interests me which is classical music anyway. If I am going to imitate something it is going to be something great. Not the eagles, Joe Walsh maybe, or whoever. It is a chapter in my life that has closed and to some degree that is sad. It is similar to when a girlfriend brakes up with you. You are back to playing with yourself. The may be the title of my first album. It does surprise me how simple minded people can be. If it is convenient to simplify what is complicated for the ease of transition it is often used. Does anyone really know anybody in this world. No offense to the world but I know you better than you know me and it is not because I am shy or withholding. Yes I am a close to the vest guy, which most would not believe, but by no means not without clues. Trusting the world will treat you in kind is a loosing mans game that I keep playing. I am fortunate to see some see the value. I am very fortunate that my wife never disappoints me in this way so I should be pleased with that.

Anyway, that is enough crying for one day. So to this world Good For You.

BOB