Self help for the slow learner

It is hard to learn when you are more stubborn than smart. I think that I have both features. I had another birthday and I feel it. I don't mind the aches and pains if you are getting wiser but that is where I have the problems.

My dogs don't need to read self help books. The plants outside need just water to live. Why would I be any different. I need only to eat drink pee and poop to make it through the day. Some days I think those events are my greatest accomplishments. For all I make I brake. But with all of the problems in the world we have Oprah Winfrey to help us out. She is so inspirational. I wish that I could fake caring about the retards that I encounter with the ease and grace. I actually have to care to express it. I think that she should have at least one show that I would approve of with a topic of lets say how to tap a keg or stop a drunken maniac using Stalin like tactics. Something like how to throw the perfect spiral football or how to kill your neighbor's cat without any one knowing. (I have no ill will against cats, it would just be interesting TV). But best of all how to get women to approve purchases that make my man parts seem bigger, like a convertible Mercedes or something. Men need help with mid life crisis. We put up with your PMS stuff no questions asked. We would like the same level of consideration.

All things considered life is good. I can eat, drink, pee and pooh with only minor difficulty so I will hold on believing in the dream

Best of luck to those who lower their own expectations in their lives by listening to my assertions.

bob