Merry Christmas to all you Devil Worshipers

Merry Christmas to all.

Unfortunately for me I usually feel lonely on Christmas and other holidays as I tend to feel lonely on most days.  It just goes with the territory.  It's not that I have love in my life it just seems to be getting smaller with out feeling getting much better.  I think that it just part of ageing.  You would think that people get better at loving the older they get but that is not what I generally observe.  Most people use love and affection to maintain control over other people.  They will love you as long as you serve them and their needs, any resistance and they will shun you away.  The older someone gets the less reactive they will be once they feel shunned.  Pride is more important that being in the group or pairing or moreover the longer you live the more you understand about human nature that you feel less enthused to participate in the back and forth play.   You tend to just stop.  Problem is that you never seem to get back to where it once was.  But that is most relationships.  There are peaks then they plateau.   In your mind however, you hold on to the peaks.  I think that children have fantasy that feels like reality and older mature people expect reality to be a fantasy.  We never let go or outgrow the fantasy.  What we expect it to be is how we think things are.  Anyone who is honest with themselves should not trust their expectations to be met as often as we would desire them to be.  I do think that we should just let people be who they are and accept them for their views and not expect them to do the same in return as there is nothing more rare than an accepting person. 

I do think of all of my friends that I have had over my lifetime that I could trust and pass on me because of my ways.   Many of them I still talk to, some of them only in my mind.   I do regret those friends that have turned away righteously due to my manor most of all, usually my workaholic tendencies. 

There are no real misunderstandings in friendships.  There are often misalignment of values and misplaying of assumed roles.   This is what amazes adults about children is there willingness to be friends and the importance they can put on it. 

Why has my asshole stopped doing his job.

Well, I guess my asshole is an asshole and won't do his job the right way anymore.  It has been better for the past few weeks since I got off my diet.  It think it would rather have problems than not.  Unlike most assholes it used to work fine without any notice or need for gratification.  It is not a millennial asshole as it does not require me to thank it before it does anything.  I have lost my trust that I used to have and now I have trust issues with myself.   My wife said that she would offer to take me to the adult store to buy a dildo to shove up my ass to squeeze.  This could help build the muscles up she said.   Not sure if I want to take her up on that one but at least she is thinking of me.  I went to a funeral of a friend yesterday who lost his brother in a accident.   Very sad and long service.  It is very sad to think of losing someone.  Most of us had loss and this stage of life and it reminds us of how we all will be remembered.   I question if I will be missed at all.  Who really knows me anyway.  Most people are only thinking of themselves and are not on my plane.  It is important to see all people for who they are and how they approach their lives.  Few people have true technique, to say that they are themselves most of the time.  That is a hard one for me as I do not seek to fit in or think like other people.  I don't root for sporting teams with other people nor listen to music that others enjoy.  I am on my own journey to seek and understand as much as I can.   Because of that I don't fit in with the group at large.  By excelling and doing your best you insure that you will be alone and misunderstood.  Fortunately, I don't require or aspire for what most people call common sense.   I think that most of the time common sense thinking is weak and fearful.  If I find that my thought or approach to problem solving is different than everyone else's that is a good thing.  Maybe the problem that no one can or will solve will be by me and my mind.  I get near zero collaboration on most projects.   Anyway, lets get back to the funeral as it is so much fun to think of death and dying.  This man was very well celebrated for his love and forgiveness.  He was by all accounts yesterday a very good hearted man.  Unfortunately,  his success in life was still not guaranteed.   He had his struggles with depression and substance abuse which must have caused him much difficulty.  Most interesting was that people reported that he treated all people well, not just his family.  He had a caring and loving manor.  That impresses me.  I am also burdened with empathy and kindness for all and it is not the easiest path through life.  It may be Devine but it universally misunderstood as it is not about exchange which most people operate on.  If you behave based on principle you will never be understood by most people unless they understand your principles.  Your principles, if grand, will intimate and/or alienate, those who don't have them.  Honesty, integrity, loyalty and sincerity are generally mistrusted by people as they feel that you will expose them. Most people have a child's brain in an adult's body.  Now that was good when we were teenagers but by the time your tits or balls are sagging it would be better to have this stuff developed a bit.   Old folks are not cute anymore and require a bit more. 

I sought out to do a stream of consciousness, better yet a stream of unconsciousness. 
One thought, we all love spell check because it helps us spell better and in that effort makes us spell worse for our entire lives.  it used to be that if you looked a word up in the dictionary you would be able to spell it forever.  Spell check does not seem to have the same effect.  

When is it the best time to realize that someone reaching their potential is their obligation. 
Do we really need more mentors on how to watch football, or the final four?  I don't mind the actual game but all the BS before it. 
Don't people realize that if you repeat what others say it is not your thoughts.  It is socialized subversive brain washing and people are volunteering themselves to it.   
It is like people who live for the weekend.  It's Friday, hurrah.  I get that you hate your job and just want to stay home and masturbate all day, I do too.  But as discussed earlier people who live based on principle likely do not think that way.  You may live on the principle of avoidance of responsibility and achievement.  I am sure that more people will go to your party than mine.
Do you know that principled people get more insults than the average asshole.