How do we deal with the sadness of others.

It is hard to endure the sadness of others. First off it is saddening itself then the challenge of changing their sadness to joy in near impossible or improbable. Wondering how to proceed yet anchored by the depth of grief in their eyes haunts you all through your day. There is no escape from the pain that others feel when they are yours. It may even be worse for the witness as they are powerless. I have chosen, as I always do, to do my best in every role I play and accept what limits I have to change what is unchangeable. Lost are the better days that I missed. One thing is for sure that the sun will rise again tomorrow and I will look forward to its prospects. Can we change ourselves enough to verify the necessity for suffering. I think to some degree we cant and that is why some people seem to suffer a lot. One thing is for sure, in this life we all get a turn.

I am sorry that I ignored you, It was an accident.

Do people ignore people on purpose. I don't do that too often as it is rude as hell. I sure do ignore people accidentally. That happens very often. I am typically self consumed. I have also learned from my drinking episode that I must sound like a complete asshole when I am drunk. I heard what I was saying but I just could not stop the bullshit from leaving my mouth. I hope that I am inferred at least as funny. Humble I am not. Truth be told I am humble but just less than most people. I like to brag about my many talents and if you give me a minute I will show them too you as well. I just don't think that I am as good as I think I am. Let me correct that I am not as good as I think I am but that is what makes me as good as I am. I believe in myself to the point of delusion. I am committed to the art of self gratification. If I was not is such a rush maybe someone else would do it for me. Just like my sex life. My wife may be in the mood but I already jerked off. (just kidding, I don't jerk off, I make looooooovvvvvvveeeeee.) Anyway, rather than take criticism too seriously I will just lighten up. I mean who cares anyway. Its only rock and roll or what ever. Nothing to get too upset with. Its just not that important. Generally however people never seem to understand how difficult certain little things can be. I always give thanks and praise to anyone who does something at least good. I don't think being critical is all that helpful. If it was we would all be great at everything we do.

Trying to stay sane with some help from my friends

Overall I am doing fair to good considering the stress of uncertainty. Changes are coming just don't know what they are yet. I will try to patiently wait them out. Being patient is not easy for me nor most people. Now things are good with the family which is good. All my brothers are going to be getting together for our mother's 70th birthday which will be a great occasion. We have not all been in the same room together since my father's passing. It would be nice to see all of us together without a funeral. So that is good news. Work is slow and that sucks. Oh, I did crap my own pants last week for the first time since I am 5 years old. I sneezed and crapped out a pudding pop serving size. I was on some antibiotic and I guess people were right when they said that could mess your ass up. I did still go to the store. Ace hardware should understand that a man who craps his pants and still goes shopping is mentally tougher than you.

Are we all ready to die.

Yeah that is a grim one but recently several people close to me have attempted suicide. Not a great hobby to start. Especially if you are good at what you do. I would never try that as a remedy but who knows. No one wants mental illness. Too bad we dont have brain viagra. Sure you can take meds for depression but viagra can give you a hard on that lasts for hours and hours. You can use your dick to carve wood if you had to. Yup, that viagra is better than paxil. Now I never had to take those paxil style of meds. I just dont believe in the bullshit answers that doctors give patients or furthermore what patients would accepts. Lets face it no 200 pills are going to cure the fact that you are an asshole. Also why is the word viagra look like the word vagina. Why dont they just call it vagina and get it over with. Those drug names do bother me. Flowmax. Now that would have to be a pill for guys as I could never see a woman buying a pill called flowmax. I just dont like to be marketed to constantly. Just tell me the truth and I will do with it as I may. If you market to me I will resist it.

As far as my music goes I am still the best guitarist that I have in my head. I do enjoy playing and actually listening as well to others play but my enthusiasm gets the better of me and I dominate the world again. All because I am aware of my defects will have little effect upon future outbreaks. Maybe I need valtrex for my mind. To prevent future asshole outbreaks. Either way, I care less and less about what other people think of my music. If you dont like it I dont care. I probably dont like how you play either although at least I try. I generally try to find something that I like in everybody. Some people are harder.

Did you ever be rude in general to avoid a worse situation. I had to today to avoid talking about a more sensitive issue. I generally have control over what I do even when it looks like I don't.

Anyhow, lets not get too heavy. I sold a guitar, reducing down the fleet. I have enough anyway and too much is just that too much. If I don't love it it must go. Too bad I cant use that motto everywhere. We tend to keep around which we don't love. My dogs better not piss me off.

Trying to stay peacefully although I am not. Each day is a fight for all that I have. Its no joke. Death will come to us all and I question us to what we have learned. Do we at least know ourselves. Why do we judge others based off of their weaknesses. I tend to accept them as part of the whole and not separate it. Life is stressful. So much so that it can kill you. After that you have nothing anyway. So why worry about it now.