They words you say will be repeated to those you don't want it to.

Some people just don't have a filter. I am probably one of them. In no way am I better than anyone else. Well that may not be true. I may make better daily decisions if that is a real thing. We are all obsessed with what other people do and to some extent so am I. I just don't want to get in trouble when you get in trouble for doing what you do every day. It is unreasonable to expect others to avoid risks for you that they would not avoid themselves. I imagine that having no boundaries poses certain troubles. Boundaries are good to have for most relationships. Although, when there are no boundaries people can be free to do as they wish and that is generally good, at least for them. I just don't like it when they take certain risks that I am not comfortable with and would never expose myself to. Not that I would not want to nor never did before but for now and the foreseeable future will not. Simple things really. When you roll with people they roll the way they roll. When you get away from it all it is not as bad as it seemed when they were doing it. Maybe I am just more private than other people are and do not masturbate constantly in front of people because that is how I roll. Either way these are the people who are in my life and why should I shun them for them being themselves. Shunning is the harshest of punishments for most people do endure and the easiest to perform. Safety in numbers does not apply with the people I know......

The best way to change others is change yourself.

Many times we are disappointed in other people because they do not share the same values that you share. They may run their bullshit scheme right over you and force you to accept their ways. That is fine I guess. Not how I would handle other peoples needs or concerns but that is more often than not the way people tend to handle other people. They just be themselves and let you suffer or enjoy it regardless to whether or not you are enjoying it. I tend to be more accommodating and express that understanding by doing what you would desire me to do. I am convinced that my way is not the best way or the common way just my way and for my satisfaction it is the only way I am going to be. Live and let live is the best advice I imagine. People are on their own paths with or with out you in their lives. No one has that much influence to change where they are going or being. It would be nice if we could enjoy each others company but that includes accommodation for other peoples wants and needs. Not easy to do for anybody, me included. Oh well, that is the way things go. I have learned that my natural gift to return shit is not in my best interest as it causes me to behave in a way that is not pleasing to me or others. It is better that only I am disappointed I guess. In my attempt to get others to examine themselves I am sure that they will only examine me and that is not the intention. Being honorable and behaving honorably is lonely endeavor but in essence I am most concern with what I think of myself than anyone else anyway so I should aim to behave in a way that makes me proud. Pride is an important theme in my life. I want to be proud of how I interact with people and be of benefit to others lives. I have taken the role of asshole to those whom I think deserve it and kind to those whom deserve it. It makes me sad to be rude and crude to anyone so I will aim not to be induced into that type of behavior. I am usually good with that regard but I have slipped here and there. What saddens me is that others to whom you aim to consider do not consider you in the most basic of ways but then again that is their journey and their path and not my concern. Letting go of expectation is very close to not caring and that is a tight wire that I would rather avoid but we all will pass away in this life at some time leaving behind memories and remnants of what you valued. Too bad abuse is legacy that lasts longer than caring. Neglect is never forgotten. We are each other's Worlds. We should treat each other with more respect. I do preach a lot to others about what they should value and behave and for that I am sorry. I should not put my expectations on you if you have no interest in what I think or desire. I should learn other people's boundaries and respect them.......Again, that tight rope of not caring comes to mind. Nothing is more insulting than not valuing what someone else's values. What is incomprehensible is when they expect you to value about them what they refuse to value about you..........The hard part is taking yourself out of the relationships that you have. Successful relationships with others often do not involve you anyway it is more based on how successfully you can tolerate them. Time heals all wounds and I have my own wounds to consider so why should I be focused on others. They are not focused on mine.

Survival of the fittest.

This world is over consumed in every capacity. Maybe less is more. Maybe no criticism is thanks enough. It is hard to compare how soft and self absorbed our culture is until you compare it to others. The American culture has become a culture of one. Focus on the individual has changed into an obsession. We are all self gratifying bastards with little regard to others about 98 percent of the time. I want to shove your iPhone straight up your ass and take your picture with it. We assume others do not care because they do not say so. People are usually nice to us when they want something in return. If you need nothing in return than why are we upset when we do not get it. Balance in life is hard. The hill is always stepper as we look ahead and the past always seems to be more pleasant a place. That is because we forget the pain and remember the good. To bad we can't have that same view of the future. Optimist are jerk offs as well. I am learning as best I can to leave everyone alone. They do not realize that they are as aggravating as they are. Maybe that is why I focus on humor with so many people as a joke or happy moment we both can share and a good laugh is evidence of the joy that we have for each other. But people would rather laugh at stuff or shows from people they do not know. I never understood or participated in sit com humor. Maybe the Cosby Show just pissed me off and I wanted to bang Lisa Bonnet but Dick jokes on TV like that one 2 and 1/2 men just don't appeal to me. I would rather be funny myself. People's sense of humor is an amazing concept into their intimate side. If they laugh they may let you in. If they don't laugh with you they may not trust you. Who knows, Who Cares...........I do. I like to laugh and have some fun. I like it more than anything. More than enjoying making others laugh I enjoy when others make me laugh. It shows me that they feel safe with me enough to say and do foolish things. Most people don't trust people enough to do it as their pride and insecurities limit their affection. You don't have to be dirty joked based to do it. Just funny and inventive. It is about the creation of the humor that is important. Like music I do not like to over practice anything as it takes the joy out of it for me. It is just how I am wired and that will not change. I am the other 2 percent. I do feel blessed with those whom have humor that their mind has space to explore and possess a form of intelligence that is not common or abundant. In the word intelligence is the word tell. Some people are just not funny or only have fun at misusing other people with their actions or words. Those people have spoiled souls and never lift people out of their duress. A good sign that some one is funny or has the power of humor is if they can make you laugh when you are sad or upset. That is the best purpose of it. Life is hard and has a lot of pain and loneliness. Laughing with a friend is your best defence against depression and anxiety. Too often, at least in the media, Humor is used as a tactic to gain your trust. Look at how many commercials are based solely on the humor it demonstrates and not at all on the product it sells. Sex sells but so does humor. I think that in this over sexed society we have now focused our efforts on humor. Unfortunately, this humor has no taste or underlying message. Like the wizard of Oz the man behind the curtain is providing the show. Teams of writers deliver without their identity reveled. Back in our day comics put their reputations and persona on the line. Carlin, Pryor, etc were people whom wrote most of their material. Now it is a show based on the lowest common denominator. Not based on Art or true social commentary. Nothing is what it seems. When you watch a TV show you are buying the brain washing to consume instinctively items that you will desire. Even if you don't buy them you will desire them based on the marketing strategy. Every Sunday is the Superbowl now and you have permission to drink beer with 18 of your closets friends. I have about 5 closets friends and as a matter of mutual benefits I do not drink with them........If you are wondering why I have changed subjects it is because I had a phone call that distracted my first portion of the passage and in true to form I don't think much about what I do.......I just do. Most likely I do it better than you...........Keep your comments to yourself would be a great self help book. The things you should not say could be another. Or I am here for you to hurt me so go ahead...................Getting back to what is real. People have what they want to have. You will find a way to get what you want from people. You can forgive or deny forgiveness based on what you really want. Other people demand to be treated in a way that pleases them not you. You can either please them or not, if that pleases you. If you want to know what others will give you in the future look at what they gave you in the past. Expecting other things means you are a dumb ass. We are all alone in our world competing for the attention of other people. Is it unreasonable to expect from others what you can't do yourself? If you respect yourself how much do you need from other people. Validation is great but it should not be a necessity for your behavior. Sometimes you are right when others are wrong. Basic principles of self reliance and gratification starts with masturbation.

The best laid plans never result in having sex.

If life was as we expect it would be I would have 29 blow jobs this week alone. Maybe one or two a month would be great but I would not want to put you out. Who cares anyway? I don't know of many people over the age of 28 who are happy with their sex lives and if I did I would like you even less. We all live in the past in that regard I imagine. I spend the best moments of my life alone so why would sex be any different. I can almost predict my next move as if I know what I am going to do next. At least I am able to meet my expectations. As far as those young lustful days of ejoying the whole process. Like cooking for other people it is more of a burden that just leads to critisizm and group disappiontment. Again, doing it all by yourself at least leaves you satisfied and without the wise comments of how they like it or not. Why do people always find pleasure in something negative to say but hardship in something kind? Why do people seem so surprised when you return their bullshit to them like you created it in the first place?

Well it is time to start blogging again

It has been a long time and I thought that facebook was the place to write my muse but it is apparent to me that too many people on there don't really care to read what you have to say. Or better yet too many self absorbed types that can't find humor in a hand job. I mean come on there are better alternatives. Either way it is time to start writing down the thoughts that I have as I feel they are mostly good and reflect what I value and persieve. First of all most people are rude and if they are not rude they are boring. Unfortunately, many people are both. I have noticed also that few people have your best interests in mind as YOU exist as only comparison to how they exist. I am tired of their empty minds and empty hearts. I would prefer empty minds and hearts as most peoples minds and hearts are filled with thier own piss. In a world of few allies I have come to recognize those that are my allies. I may seem hurt but tell me what you did to extend yourself to another person and how did they treat you for it. Most likely they looked at you like you were retarted and in many ways we are. The concept of changing for the better does not include constant redicule and judgement of others. Letting people lay as they are is a wonderful concept. We offer more respect to a sleeping dog than our family and friends. Also what annoys me is how people never pre think about their encounters. The questions they ask are more like medical histories or interrigations that attempt to expose your weaknesses. I almost don't care about it anymore. If you were worthless to me when I was down you are more worthless now that I am climbing back up. I too make assessments of you but it is more a way to ensure that you are on a good path and to engage you in a way the lifts you upward. If your path to achievement involves pushing others down you are on a lonely path. To all those who are envious you are ignorant of your own worthlessness. I am no longer interested in carrying your bloated weight. You can include me in your comparisions as I am no longer offended by your harrassment............The take home message is that if you are good with you you are good with others. Others are always tolerable and managable when you have a good view of yourself. When you consider how little people care for your successes you will not be as eager to grant credibility to their critisizms. Again, I feel like I am being defiant and angry. Critisizm hurts more when you can not allow yourself to be wrong. Living a life is about being wrong. Why where you wrong and for what were you wrong about. Being lazy, insensitive and mean spirirted is no way for a mature adult to behave. Then why do we do it. We do it to cure our own empty feelings for ourselves. I am tired of people self medicating with insults. If you are going to be coarse at least have some humor. Even Joan Rivers is occasionally funny. Make an effort at not being impuslsively bad humored.......That all being said I will not adbandon the assholes in my life as they are better than the indiferent. Just don't expect me to be bothered by your bullshit......

Time to get started.

Well the big move is done and I am alone with my wife in AZ. Not a bad place to be. People here are not as friendly as I would like but I live in a fantasy world where everyone is as nice as me. I should know better by now. Loosing weight is not easy but it is fun to get back to being the bad ass that I think I am . I just wish that I did not let it go as bad as I did but I did so there we are. The wife is good and she is starting to put the pressure on. She is good that way but I trust she wants the best for me so I do admire her for it. I am pleased to be a part of a new life with new friends and new challanges, I just have to get started finding all of them. If you think of me I think of you more. It is just my nature.

Okay, its time to start writing again.

Okay, I give up giving up. Ready and willing to move across the country leaving all my friends and possessions to be with the my greatest possession, the relationship that I have with my wife. Oh, and all of my stuff. It has been interesting living apart of my wife but apart from my wife and my stuff now that is a reality check. It brings me back to when I had nothing much to offer other than my great personality, intelect and charm. It is a good practice when you live out of a duffle bag at your buddy's house. It has been nice to spend so much time with people who really care for you but like all things change occurs and time moves us forward even though we wish that it wouldn't. I am very grateful for all of the friends that I have and will miss them dearly. Some more than others, it is all relative. Anything we do is relative to what we put into it. I know that as a friend I am worth the investment and I am proud to know that I have friends worthy of my blind generositiy. Some people that I thought were friends have evaporated like vapors but that is okay. It all comes out in the end. Not really feeling the writing vibe right now but it will come back. BOB

Your problems are easy for me to help, because they are yours.

Sometime my heart bleed so much for other that I drown in my own words. I have, or at least I believe, a very keen assessment ability to evaluate people and their situations. There struggles and strife. I am likely too good at and I admit pontificate too long. But it much more than what you do for me. What do I get for wisdom and maybe advise. Most people say that I would not listen anyway but that is not true. I will not act like I am listening. I am always listening. I agree that advice giving and receiving is a dangerous game. I tend to be blunt and repetitive. But seldom wrong or cruel. I truly want people to better their situations and move forward with what they have to move forward through. It is much harder counseling yourself through your own problem. Why is that people are so apprehensive about giving advice? If you care for someone you should advise them of your view of their situation as long as it is not too personal. I would not give sexual advise to a friend or a relative. It just is not appropriate and likely they are better at it than me anyway. I try to be encouraging but often I likely just present challenges that are likely too big to be undertaken. That is why that have not done them yet in the first place. It is the general nature of advise giving. Easy to figure out what to do, near impossible to actually do it. Not to mention motivation. Now I am not going to write some self help book because I hate that shit. I do prefer people who shoot it straight, are not mean spirited and are usually correct. Advise is horrid because it is stuff we already know and the advise given is a frustrating form of punishment for not doing what they should have done already. I am going to start to act completely surprised next time someone gives me advise because I don't want them to think that I was too stupid not to do what I should have done already. That means I am lazy or something like that. We just want to see our friends make progress through their lives within our lifetime. We don't mind you having problems all the time as long as they are new problems.

As for me I am tough and would not want your help anyway. Very few ever help me where I am always helping others. It is just a way to keep people away from my needy core. Those that do help me are invaluable to me. The highest esteem for me is to accept help from you. Call it pride I guess but help is often turned into abuse or at least debt and for that reason alone I don't want it. If you give to me with no expectation back I would gladly accept but who is stupid enough to do that other than me. Life is a gift, our duty is to give.. Receiving is a part of giving that I have not been to good with. If someone give you something, anything, they want something from you. At best they want you to be comfortable, which I freely give. They may want your friendship which is always an awkward situation. I really like generous people and am comfortable around them as that is my nature as well. It is those people pretending to be generous when they are truly manipulative annoy the piss out of people. I wish that nice people would act like nice people and assholes would act like assholes not to confuse the rest of us.

In totality, I have always had a lot of friends and I felt they were close friends. It takes up a lot of my time and believe me if I am with you I care greatly for you otherwise I would not be there. I do not need your approval or comradery. I need you for reasons I do not even understand. Funny how those things I just accept and not analyze.

BOB

Things are looking up but thats because I am laying down

You know life is about choices and I must say at least I can make them for myself. I really wish that the world would give advice with out sounding like a huge dick in the process but that is just the weakness of humanity. We always have to compete with compassion and ridicule with ridicule winning. I don't think that I am as bad as other but I am sure that I could improve my patience with others. Usually, people annoy the fucking shit out of me to the point that I would push you in the face but I just smile and think of food. Passive aggressive I have now concluded it just a substitute for lack of patience. What a poor indicator of personality defect. I work hard at not being as fucking annoying as other are to me. With me however, I generally don't care if what I do annoys you as you are an asshole anyway. If not so completely at least in part.... At least more than me. There are several people that I know that this does not hold true with but it is far and few in between. Anyway, what I am saying is that I have learned to be patient with most people and situations. When I lose my patience be aware I may kill you or at least hurt your feelings with great efficiency as I know your weakness and sensitivities because you told me them because you trust me. Fortunately, I believe in not harming people as it is a false joy. A joy that I don't ever think I took enjoyment from......Maybe what I am really talking about is my error in disclosing my weakness and concerns to people whom are inherently hurtful due to some internal mental disorder that I am no longer interested in engaging in any significant way.

Don't worry if you are reading this it is not you.

On a lighter note. Sometime you just have to make a decision. You cant have your cake and eat it too. Case in point. You cant have a blow job and anal sex the same day. Its just not right and shows at least no consideration for what is reasonable.