Just another tricky day

When I am not stress out to holy hell I feel worse. Work is slow due to the economy and holidays and most of all my genuine dislike for people maybe showing more than it used to. I used to care so much about other peoples issues and concerns. Meeting and exceeding their needs meant so much to me. Today it means allot still but maybe not as much. My views are my views, my advice is my advice. Do as I say or don't. Your problems will be worse if you choose to manage them the way you are but that is just a moot point by now. I sometimes wonder how I fit into this paradigm. How my behavior causes me to suffer more than I should. I clearly know my faults and behaviors that I continue to pursue in spite of punishment. So we are all guilty of something. I guess that I truly want to be the most interesting and intelligent person in the world but that pursuit is probably neither. I surely make my life more complicated by caring for other people as much as I do. Lately, it is just more apparent how much less I get back. Not that people don't mean well but being kind, capable and sturdy just don't show up that often in one person. I did a nice thing today. I took a friend and their family out to lunch to celebrate her recovery from breast cancer. Now that is a good thing to do and I am pleased to do it for them as they are great people who know how to endure. Maybe, I should spend more time with them or the like. I would rather just play my guitar and eat sausage sandwiches but no one will let me. Being slow at work scares me to hell and back. I worked so hard to have what I have and it is evaporating. In my heart I know that I can climb any mountain again I just have to pull my self up and do something positive. I would hang out with more positive people but they are just so damn annoying. There bullshit mantra of just do and think positive. I am a negative serious guy who will succeed. I feel that I am changing from a talker to a doer. I don't know if that is possible but my wife's influence may be starting to take effect. Actions speak louder than words type of guy. I am also wondering if I should be myself even more with people. I hide my serious side because people don't need to know. Maybe I will be the serious man everywhere that I go and not the clown. I am sorry if I am boring, Now you know how I feel when I am with you.